Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
