Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
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the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
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Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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