she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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