bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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