Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
