I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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