I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
