the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
