you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
