who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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