my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
