Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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