Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
how does that bad decision feel?
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