So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
