It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
