Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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