somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
