mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
