Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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