My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
