I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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