I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
