my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
