I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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