you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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