I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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