sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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