I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
