i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
