Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
