I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
