I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
