I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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