Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
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Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
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I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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