He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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