Got a toothbrush?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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