What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
