so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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