so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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