Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
