I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
