My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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