Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
