i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Randomize