worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
