it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I will pee on everything he values.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
