I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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