I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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