well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
