You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You have to summon your inner elephant
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
