Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
"it" just moved
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
