I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
