If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
