i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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