he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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