I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
