If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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