If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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