he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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