Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
