Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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