Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
