We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
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I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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