if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
