I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
