That's when you crack a 10am beer
so let's talk penis.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
